Perfectionist: how to live without fear of failure?

12 signs that you are perfectionist. Why people become perfectionists? Communication Perfectionism and habits to postpone cases. How to deal with your own perfectionism

If at school you at least once we cried because they got «Good» instead of «Great», then high probability that you feel about perfectionists. What does this word mean? Gift is or punishment? How not to get caught on his rod? Read in our article. 

How to recognize perfectionist

We are talking about an excessive desire to be in the whole impeccable, perfect, first and best. Public opinion is inclined to praise a person perfectionist for his desire to comply with high standards.

Strictly speaking, it is these people who we must have the emergence of new, higher standards – better, faster, stronger, as in the motto of the Olympiad. And the perfectionist is usually really successful, but this success takes the price of constant nervous stress, dissatisfaction and, ultimately, the lack of happiness in life.

Such people are especially subject to problems in relations with other and bad mood. Perhaps perfectionism has not yet turned your life in chaos and did not harm health. But even small episodes of this destructive complex are able to discard you back on the way to perfection. 

The most famous signs that you become a prefective: 

• You always sought to please;
• You know what they suffer more than others, but consider it a success at cost;
• You constantly pronounce;
• Criticize others – your usual lesson;
• All or nothing – here is your principle;
• It is difficult for you to open in front of another person;
• Small failures strongly upset you;
• Criticism to your address is very painful;
• Thoughts about those who are never worried about you constantly;
• You are facilitating or even secretly rejoice in someone else’s failure;
• You really miss school years;
• Your deep feelings – mostly shame and wines. 

Finding some items, think about whether they do not interfere with you in everyday life. After all, perfectionism cannot be considered a healthy desire for success or perfection. This is a way to think and feel that if everything was perfect, it would be possible to get rid of discomfort and finally start living – and the life itself is in the most time in the painful sense of own imperfection. 

Perfectionism roots – in childhood

Where do Perfectionists and Pedants come from? Often everything starts in childhood, in school years, under pressure from teachers and parents. And those and others encourage the desire to get an excellent assessment for the lesson or on the exam, winning the competition, bring home the reward for the first place. If the child copes – he is well done, if not – loser and weak.

Children get a distorted idea of ​​the meaning of life and activity, something like «I achieve something, therefore I exist», and cease to be interested in something other than the possibility of producing the best impression on other.

Other problem name – «Excellent syndrome», After all, it is pupils who do not know what it means to be a perfectionist. Unfortunately, the pursuit of the highest point and prestigious awards leads to the fact that the child develops a complex of inferiority and insecurity.

Such children think: «And I will be needed to someone if I don’t get complete success?». A similar attitude to study and work, of course, teachers of the university and superiors will encourage, since this is a convenient way to control a student or employee.

Psychologists say that perfectionism is a stick about two ends when the burning desire to achieve the peaks of skill in the case is accompanied by the same burning fear of failure. Since it is completely pointless to deal with this phenomenon, trying to reduce the bar in work, you need to begin with the eradication of fear to suffer defeat. 

How are pronounced perfectionists

The irony is that the desire for perfection simultaneously and helps on the way to success, and becomes the biggest hindrance. Just mentioned fear of failure is not the best motivator, and sometimes becomes a real scourge of man, putting it into a detrimental habit of delay. 

Here’s how a pronounced person falls into the trap of uncertainty: 

• There is a feeling that it is necessary to somehow collect it with thoughts and prepare before proceeding to the most ordinary task;
• After the work has begun, strong discomfort appears (there is no inspiration, insufficiently proven data at hand, an inconvenient moment, nonideal working conditions …);
• Any task must be performed well, which means it will take a lot of strength to solve it – I want to relax, do something completely different, refresh your head, accumulate the potential;
• When the deadlines are already pressed, fear arises that for such a short interval there will be no possibility to fulfill the task of qualitatively;
• Insecurity grows in geometric progression, «Great case» does not move from the place, and the procrastinator covers the most real panic – the project is littered. 

Just think if at the initial stage, a person did not consider that it was taken for something special, the matter of honor, so to speak! If we did not want to perfectly fulfill the simplest job, the delay would never have mastered us. But why it is so important for us to show yourself better than others?

Psychological studies on this topic have shown that in this case the tendency to postpone affairs is related to the desire to constantly receive the approval of the surrounding.

How to overcome the need for approval from? The answer is simple – to become truly confident by the person.

One of the main secrets of confidence is to stop putting others above yourself. Do not identify yourself with your actions – successful or unsuccessful – and do not look for praise, do not be afraid of the censure. Your existence does not depend on the achievements, and even more so, from the manipulations of other people like the chief who wants to take advantage of your weakness for their own purposes. 

How to stop being an unfortunate perfectionist

To make life easier, you will have to work on some habits and ways of thoughts. In one day it is impossible to make a coup in consciousness, but gradually you will notice the improvements that we will gradually begin to enter your life.

How are perfectionists? When a critical look at things prevails, it is very difficult to return to the state of contentment. Satisfaction from work or communication cannot be obtained, if you make it all too strict requirements.

Therefore, first work on the game to take the world as it is – imperfect, rough, non-ideal. Catch yourself attempts to criticize loved ones or new acquaintances. First restrain to express criticism out loud, then complicate your task and let go of critical thoughts as soon as they come to mind.

Noticing that you yourself or someone next to a small mistake, allow it to happen (in reasonable limits, of course). Your goal is to understand that non-ideal people and imperfect deeds also have the right to exist. Mark those in which you can act «good enough», And not flawless. You will find such things a lot!

Try not to react painfully on criticism, and do not let others hang your sense of guilt. Get used to judging «By and large»: The case is done – wonderful! Do not quit yourself and do not allow others to find fault to you on trifles. Another pedant attacks you? A calm word in response is usually enough, and if he tries to wrench for a trifle – go to another room.

If it is interesting for you, read several biographies of famous perfectionists, trace their life path and think if you are ready to pay such a price for success? Moreover, I do not want to upset anyone, but what are your chances of becoming a really great personality?

Is it not better to focus on what you have and follow the wise proverb «needed where was born»? Perhaps you need your loved one that is a imperfect, ordinary person.

Learn to determine the sufficient level for everything you do, and resist the desire to raise the bar before the transcendental heights. Most of the tasks of everyday life are calculated on the average level of quality of their execution.

Facilitate life and others – have more performed than impeccable tasks, and everything will be fine!