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How to marry former and not repeat errors – all for and against a return marriage

On 10.02.2017

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I go out married former husband – it’s worth it or not? How to marry former husband, not to repeat past mistakes and become truly happy? On Lady-Magazine.com Read all for both return marriage

Concept «Returnable marriage» can be attributed to repeated marriage, with the only difference that the Union is re-not with a new person, but with a former partner. That is, there is a restoration once a broken family.

What are the pros and cons of return marriage? Is it possible to enter twice «in one river», without destroying the relationship finally? And how to protect the relationship from old mistakes?

How to make the right decision – whether to marry a former husband?

As a rule, thought «Or maybe try again?» It occurs only if, If the gap with her husband was not accompanied by a serious hostility, secure property and other «Josty» Tree. New Cavalers do not inspire confidence, the relationship persistently does not add up to anyone, children do not want to share mom with an unknown uncle, and that «Good old husband», It seems, and nothing was. Why, actually, and do not try?

Such thoughts arise at half the divorced women who have retained a little normal relationship with husbands. So Is it still to step on already familiar «rake», or it is better to get around them for a kilometer, and then remove in the barn, from the eye?

What to rely on, taking the decision?

First of all, on the motive of your desire ..

Strength habit? Having lived with a spouse for 2-3 years (not to mention a long life together), a woman gets used to a certain way of life, to a common habit with her husband, to his manner of communication, etc. The strength of the habit of many pushes in «Time proven» The arms, often – despite the wings cold.
If the formulation of the cause of the divorce sounded in a traditional way – «did not get along» – then why did you decide that now, then your characters will definitely come together? If you are categorically different people, and divide your troubles and joy for two, it is unlikely that you will succeed again. If you, the pathological fan of purity, threw in a shiver from scattered socks, crumbs in bed and lids from pasta on the sink, would you have enough strength to not notice these «Scary sins» husband in re-marriage?
If you are aware that Your spouse is an incorrigible Donjun, And with all the universal love for you, he will continue the list of love victories until old age will deprive him of irresistible, then think about – can you go through this path with him? And stay to the wise wife closing the eye on «Small intrigues» Muga. Can if if for the first time they could not?
«I realized that better than you – no one for the whole! I can not live without you. I’m sorry for the prodion of your husband», He says, falling on his knees in front of your door with a bouquet of roses and another rings in a beautiful box. As life shows, half of such return marks really gives the start with a new strong relationship. Especially if your relationship was built on deep feelings and were destroyed by the intervention of a third party (another woman, his mother, etc.).

So how to be?

To begin with – shallow romantic fler and turn on mode «sober look at the situation».

It is clear that it is with a bouquet and with longing in the eyes – very cute. And his desire to return you – such a flattering. And he himself so native smells that at least now jumping to him in his arms. I even want to pour into him tea, feed the borscht and, if you behave well, leave for the night. And then the children came running – stand, rejoice, they say, «Folder returned»..

But will you forget everything? All forgive? Build relationships re-without repeating the past mistakes? And whether love is alive in general? Or you pull just in habit? Or because it is very difficult to live a single mother? Or because just tired without a man in the house?

If the heart of the chest jumps, and you feel the same emotions in response from the husband – then of course there is nothing even to think. And if you are fighting a feeling of resentment with the memories of his betrayal, that is the sense of the new divorce?

All for and against return marriage

Advantages of a return marriage:

You know each other well, all habits, disadvantages and pros, needs, etc.
You are able to really appreciate the prospects for your relationship, weighing every step and realizing what follows him.
You are able to find each other approach.
Your children will be happy to reunite parents.
the effect «novelty» In the relationship refreshing a joint life in every sense – you start with a white sheet.
The candidate bakery period and the wedding give deeper emotions, and the selection itself is more meaningful and sober.
You do not need to meet relatives of each other – you already know them all.
Understanding the problems that led to the breakdown of the first marriage will help in strengthening the re-union – to avoid errors easier if «know the enemy».

Disadvantages of a return marriage:

If a long time has passed since the break, your partner could have time to change significantly. You do not know – how and what he lived all this time. And it is possible that the one as he became, you will push it even faster than in the first marriage.
Woman, under certain circumstances, tend to idealize partners. If she is lonely and hard, children are crazy with disobedience, at night I want to roar in a pillow from hopelessness, and here he appears, practically native, with a flame view and promise «again together and already before the coffin», That sobriety of thoughts dissolves in a lightweight exhalation «Finally, everything will find». The idealized partner, a week later, a month, suddenly forgets about his promises, and begins «Second circle of hell». The absence of a sober and cold look at the decision when making a decision is fraught at least a new disappointment.
The soul wounds obtained at the first divorce do not pass without a trace. Will you be able to cross through them and live, even mentally not remembering the pain that you have caused? If not – then this problem will always stand between you.
Reperative marriage will not solve your past problems by itself. You will have to work hard to correct the former mistakes and, of course, prevent new.
If you diverged because of his mom (or another relative), remember – my mother did not disappear anywhere. She still does not tolerate you in the spirit, and your husband still remains for her adorable son.
His forever scattered socks for which you scolded it every evening, will not start jumping into the washing machine – you will have to come to terms with his habits and take it entirely with all minuses / pros. Re-educate adult man is useless even in the first marriage. And with repeated – and even more.
If he was «Zhmon» and loved to miss a glass-other at dinner, do not expect that he became a generous trustee.
During the time that passed after the divorce, you both got used to live according to our rules – to solve problems yourself, make decisions and. He is used to walking in the morning in the apartment in family shorts and smoking an empty stomach, you are to rest with girlfriends in the evenings and not ask anyone and anyone. That is, you will have to either change your habits, or adapt to each other, taking into account all the nuances.
Top to each other will be difficult, considering the big old old «suitcase» Offend and complaints on each side.

I go out married a former husband – how to build happiness in a new way and avoid old mistakes?

Re-marriage strength will depend from the sincerity of everyone, from a clear understanding of the problems and from the power of desire – be together contrary to everything. To avoid mistakes and build really strong relationships, you should remember the main thing:

First and key – reunification motive. Understand yourself and for the reasons that are really determining for you when making a decision. Lonely at night, there is not enough money, there is no one to repair the crane and to nurture the shelves – these are the reasons that will form the basis for another way to nowhere.
Remember, you only have one attempt – to start life again. If you are ready to forget everything and forgive, if you are ready to build relationships taking into account errors – dare. If you doubt – do not dive into the outer with your head, first understand yourself.
Start all from scratch, Having stressed all the insults and immediately finding out all the controversial moments.
Before entering into marriage again, give each other time on «Candy period». Already in it, much for you will become clearer.
If in the process «Konfatny» Periods you feel your half Returns to what caused the divorce, Consider this signal to stop relationships.
Taking a decision – remember that Your children will be doubly harder to survive your second divorce. If there is no confidence in the reliability and stability of relationships, do not start them and do not let the children of empty hope. Let the divorce become a single promotion, and not «Swing», In which your children finally lose faith in you and the unity of the family, as well as their psychological balance.
Want to be offended and problems remain in the past? Both work on yourself. Forget about mutual reproach, do not remind each other about the past, do not raw salt on old wounds – build a new life, bricks behind the brick, on mutual trust, respect and love. See also: How to learn to forgive insults?
Do not try to return the relationship in our form, in what they were at the very beginning of the first marriage. Never have the relationships for the same, meaningless illusions. Changes in relations will affect the psychological aspects, and habits, and intimate relations. Give each other time. If the desire to play the wedding again does not disappear within 3-4 months of romantic relationships – it means that the chance of a strong joint future is really.
Learn to listen and hear each other, as well as solve problems by «Peace talks».
Sorry to each other. Forgive – Great Science. Not everyone is able to master it, but only the ability to forgive «Cuts unnecessary tails», who stretch for us in life, and saves from errors.